Supporting someone who has experienced sexual assault, abuse, stalking, or harassment can evoke many emotions. While it may feel challenging, it’s important to prioritize the victim/survivor's feelings over your own and offer support with encouraging, non-judgmental language. Respect the victim/survivor’s choices and timeline and understand that healing is not always linear. Safety is personal, so let the victim/survivor determine what they need. Avoid forcing actions, as this can hinder their healing process.
Resources
Support people are welcome to contact the Aurora Center and schedule a free, confidential appointment with an advocate. If you are unaffiliated with the University, we may refer you to a local off-campus advocacy resource.
“I’m sorry this happened.” Acknowledge that the experience has affected their life. Phrases like “This must be really tough for you,” and, “I’m so glad you are sharing this with me,” help to communicate empathy.
“It’s not your fault.” Survivors may blame themselves, especially if they know the perpetrator. Remind the survivor, maybe even more than once, that they are not to blame.
“I believe you.” It can be extremely difficult for survivors to come forward and share their story. They may feel ashamed, concerned that they won’t be believed, or worried they’ll be blamed. The best thing you can do is to believe them without judgement or questioning.
“You are not alone.” Remind the survivor that you are there for them and willing to listen to their story. There are many others in their life that care for them, and service providers who will be able to support them as they recover from the experience.
“Are you interested in seeking medical attention?” The survivor might need medical attention, even if the event happened a while ago. You can support the survivor by offering to accompany them or find more information. It’s okay to ask directly, “Are you open to seeking medical care?”
“This doesn’t change how I think of you.” Some survivors are concerned that sharing what happened will change the way other people see them, especially a partner. Reassure them with a caring phrase to let them know that surviving sexual violence doesn’t change the way you think or feel about them.
There’s no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence, relationship violence, and stalking. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event to you, consider the following ways to show your continued support.
- Avoid judgment. It can be difficult to watch a survivor struggle with the effects of trauma for an extended period of time. Avoid phrases that suggest they’re taking too long to recover, like, “You’ve been acting like this for a while now,” or “How much longer will you feel this way?”
- Trauma is a life long recovery process. Ask if they would like you to check in periodically to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story.
- Explore our additional resources for supporting family, friends, & loved ones impacted by sexual misconduct.